Sea Day (Emotion Day)

I want to run and tell you
But I can't
I have to stay right here to attend to the unknown duty (wait for the call)
So I will tell you as soon as I can
It means more work today
But a bigger party tonight
As I get ready I catch myself wishing
That you were here
What does this mean?
That I don't know much about you
That is no longer true
I have read and we have talked
We hold similar goals and philosophies
That is enough for now
I understand my wants and desires
They seem premature but I let them run
for success only comes from dreams
These dreams include you.

Lost Riley Goodwin

There is an image in my head
People running about laughing, squealing having a good time
It feels mocking
Painful
In her shoes what would I do
Twelve
Amongst all these people
In a strange/not so strange place
Alone
Where would I go?
Who would I turn to?

I feel her pain
Her anguish
The tears in her eyes evict tears from within my soul
Selfishly I recognize I am alive, my passion exists
And then I see her
Feel her in real time
And it hurts, it tears down to the bone and I want to break down and scream
Where are you why did you leave me
They say it will be fine
Who are they?
I don't know you?
Never talk to strangers

From the pit of my chest I wonder
What would it be like to truly be abandoned
I cannot get past the anguish
The question itself is enough to crush the breath from me
I hurt and see her sad face

Where would I go?
Who would I turn to?
A kind face in the crowd takes me to another stranger
His tone is kind
They say it is okay
I have no choice
I sit, I wait, they made an announcement over the loud thing
Mom Dad where are you?
I cry

As they round the corner
The corners of the mouth turn up
The tears stop flowing
I smile
They are here I am safe
Not abandoned or alone.

(experienced April 5, 2008 when helping Riley find her parents)

Work

Am I really that different?
Are my ethics so far gone/advanced/beneath everyone else?
Is is that hard to do what I was hired for?

I think not, but then all the signs around me say that I am.
I walk into the room and well all the supplies are in disarray
(they weren't when I left them)
I go to get the cards and all the sequences are messed up
(I just put them in sequence. We have to for record keeping)
I open the box and the tools for the job are only half there
(I filled these boxes two days ago)
I get to the gangway, no signs or barriers
(On my day they were there)

I wonder why there is the difference.
I do not do the brackets to be special
But because my manager said these were the job responsibilities
Alone in filling my job
I wonder if I am over doing it
Or if everyone just does not care and only thinks about themselves.

It would be nice to meet people who fulfilled the job all the way to completion.

Jogging on the Beach

The sun is warm
Beating on my skin
Keeping me very warm hot
I start off on the tourist road
Shops and hustle and bustle
Walking quickly to get the bones and muscles working
I round the bend and drop into a light trot
In my ears some music I want to hear
A beat beat beat that will help me keep pace
I get to the end of the parking lot and pick up the pace
My shirt comes off and I begin to move
Faster, hotter, faster, hotter
My mouth is dry but it feels great to be outside
No treadmill today
I jog
On my right all the pretty people laying on the sand
Tanning and absorbing
I look beyond that to the crystal blue waters of the Bahamas
They are gorgeous, the most amazing colour I have ever seen
I breathe it in
For as much as it is a very hot day a beautiful breeze comes off the ocean
The breeze cools the sweat on my torso and gives me the push to carry on
Jogging on the beach, feeling the heat, feeling the breeze
I am free

PEOPLE

Are interesting creatures.
As I sat, waiting patiently, (impatiently) for the bus
Outside the WalMart (evil conglomerate),
A worker came by.
He was an older heavy set gentleman (loosely)
His duties entailed picking up the trash, using a broom to sweep cigarette butts into a little bin and tasks of the sorts
He seemed to me to be at the mercy of the world
A set of clothes that did not fit him
A slack jaw mouth
A, what appeared to be, a damaged eye
A waddling walk, seemingly the result of a damaged leg.
He swept haphazardly, he emptied the bins with little care, leaving trash behind
I noticed he had no gloves and seemed not to care
I noticed little pride in what he was doing
It made me think that even in a position of his I would be fighting to do my best
In the hopes that I could progress
This does not make me special or better just different
For I could be that individual being commented on by another
I said hello and he responded as an equal
A co worker came by and he responded as a slave
I recalled a conversation the night previous of backwater towns
and a simpler life that did not keep up with today's technology
and a specific phrase came to mind.
Someone else said it but it seemed to make sense to me here
The phrase was "bred into ignorance".
It made me sad and thoughtful.

Am I Immortal?

This event took place on Easter Sunday March 23, 2008

The day is beautiful
With a strong cooling breeze
Clouds rolling in, potential for rain
There is a court for the game
A ball, a net and one player
An innocent child, 13 years of age
On the court, a puddle from last night's rain
The ball is thrown
Time and time again, practice makes perfect they say

A small bird comes to play
In the puddle she wants to stay
Ball bounce once, twice, she flutters away
Scared, nervous, timidly she comes our way
The water is cool and shallow
(just right for her morning bath)
The ball is thrown, bounce, bounce
She flitters about, splash, splash

The ball comes down
It is not heavy
but she is not strong
The ball is not big
but she is not large

It bounces near
She scurries in fear
A zig when she should have zagged
It takes but one second
The ball comes down
As it rolls away
She falls over
A little flicker of hope as she moves
Please get up!
The wing moves unnaturally as she falls
I rush over
What can I possibly do?
Pick her up gently
In her last seconds she sees my face
Does it matter to her?
I hope it is kind the image in her mind
I hold her softly, help to support her lolling head
And then it is over

Her eyes partially close
Her breast stops rising
It is Easter day and maybe a sign
I don't know
But this little life touches me
I rise from my knees and find a large leafy branch
on the ground in the brush
I lift it and lay her stillness down
A moments silence as immortality slips away.


A few hours later I found out about a tragic turn of events in my sister's life

Coming

It is but one month
Each day passes the way it always has
But underneath each moment is a new level of exuberance
A new level of fear too
You are coming.

The exuberance is obvious.
It consumes my thoughts,
It excites me and makes my days longer and shorter
I breathe a sigh of relief to know that we will be in each other's presence
I wish each day would travel a little bit quicker

Yet for all that there is so much undiscovered country
A bit of a challenge brought to fruition
I fear the "negatives" you may discover
Those that may keep you away

Yet I remind myself that these are part of the natural things
If you discover a reason to run, then you should, for then it is not good for either of us
Remembering this allows me to let the fears go
I focus on the things that excite and entice and I look forward

It is but one month and you will be here

Friendships

Friendships require work folks
Lest we forget the friends of our past that have picked us up when we are at our lowest
Are the same ones who have carried us home drunk
Have laughed with us when we are up
Cried with us when we are down.

These are the people who stand by us through thick and thin
These are the people who we stand by through thick and thin
It is not that much different than a marriage
(except it usually does not involve sex)
It requires time, energy, and effort
It means you have to think about them
You have to call or write or communicate somehow

If you forget these things you are not being a friend
Friends do not have to be the ones you see all the time
Friends are simply the people you include in your life.
So take a moment and reassess those people you call friends
Take the time to examine what you do for them and they for you
Those who are still friends, contact them and make a bit more effort.



Inspired by one to many miscommunications with a friend I care deeply about.

Trust

There is a piece of me.
It is my creative soul.
It is expressed in various ways.
This is one of them.
You cannot yet see my forte.
You will one day.
Till then you will read.

Sharing

I want to write I want to share
I want tomorrow to be today and share it with you
I know where I want to be and how I want to be there
I know who I want there with me
I do write I do share
I recognize that there are points held
Not for not wanting to share
But just not ready to open that much yet
Out on a limb you say
Yes I believe that is where we now sit
I give it all but get nervous that well...
I will over excite myself, expect to much, put to much pressure
with those writings with those sharings
So they come in little pieces for I do not want to hurt myself again
For I do not want to let us down
For I do not want to let you go.

Muse

You are interesting
Viewed from the outside you are everything
But from the inside you are so much less
Than everyone thinks

There is no way you could be more
I think it startles us both
But it is okay

The nights are late and we share
We are in a space that needs this connection
Both physically and emotionally where we are
No one believes it is innocent

It does not matter if they do
We know it is innocent and will not be more
It makes you unique
It teaches me
Gives me appreciation for another
I look at you and smile you smile back

Share this extra moment,
This thought that has you in it
In a few weeks you will be gone
This innocent moment will have passed

I may weep at loss
But a new kind
One never before experienced
Harry was wrong and Sally was right

Distant

The phone rings
I know it is you, at this time in this place it can only be you
Hmmmm.....a little jump of my soul
You are so far away, so long till you can be seen
touched held...
I wonder
It was a late night
A kiss stolen cautiously
In an environment that would not allow it
Compulsion to do
"Let me show you" what you are thinking
And now what?

We move forward
we exchange and think is this happening
Hello?
It is you
You did call!
Conversation which begins stifled but warms up
There is such great distance and aspects which we cannot explore
How does this work?
We seem to be figuring it out
The conversation becomes real, honest, wow to talk with you
When will I see you?
Such limited option
At great challenge to you
For I cannot leave,
The owness is on you.

You are here,
Five hours is all we get,
Held in the utmost time
Let me get something, I left in a hurry
Unexpected, not proposed, not pushed for and then
You are beautiful and smooth
Stunning and engaging
I want to explore you forever
but only five hours
We want other time to
So we relish for a moment, share our limited space and touch
Then off to understand to gaze to take each other in another way

How will this work?
What are the grounds/rules/boundaries?
When we can how will we....?

The questions continue but only in our minds,
They are things we overcome with calls and mails
Stolen weekends which are few and far between
We will try and time will tell

We like each other