It is time

I still think of you but it is different

I recognize your coldness and know

It took too long

But now I am not afraid

To show you what is up

I have to be strong and face the facts

There are matters to be dealt with

No longer the heart

No longer the mind

Just the logistics of a goodbye.

You don't know me

Started truly dating again

trying to reclaim myself

My life, my love.

Been listening to me

Wondering if I know how to do this

Thinking

Realizing that people don't really understand the self

that they are taken by surprise

and in that they take the ones around them by surprise too

Leaving them without explanation or thought

Just the aftermath of what they did

So I sit waiting to meet a person who has enough awareness

to not give me aftermath

but give me the moment

Someone I can know

Who knows themself

Another Day

So I met someone,

She is nice,

She never called back

So I met someone else

She is nice

She never followed through

And so the story goes.

I must be doing something wrong.

I am tired.

The communication thing does not seem to work.

Maybe I will try lying instead.

Must be

something better for me on the horizon

It does not feel like it but

I cannot believe that you were my swan song

Some days are good, some are bad

Soon another will be in my life

All will be good

For now, just time to relish

Spending time with me

Feeling

I don't know

I miss you

I hurt

But reality speaks to so many "negative" things

I look to move forward

I feel alone

I feel it won't ever happen

I don't see myself with anyone

I spend so much time solo

I question my ability to interact

To communicate

I don't know

I wonder

How did we affect each other?

How did it change?

I think it does not matter

I think

I don't know

Just a hollowness

Tolerance

I have the ability

skill

power

or is it stupidity

lack of worth

short sightedness

to deal with

accept

and tolerate

people long after

everyone else

I know

would walk away.

Forward

There must be something more

something better

something which suits me perfectly

(there is no perfect only perfect for me)

Not getting what I want

Which means forward there is something

That will fulfill that

Forward!

Contact

A year goes by

Limited contact

A few lame attempts to suggesting we work it out

No follow through

Silence

My pain, my misery,

Confusion, no explanation,

No understanding

Attempts to solve

Working solo for a year

I start to come to my senses

Accept you are gone

That your words are lies

I stand up

Write a goodbye email for me

and you respond

The only reason I write you say

Is to manipulate and get what I want

I wonder if you read anything in the past year

If you took time to look at us

Because all the emails say the same thing

"Please talk to me so we can figure this out"

Empty

The time has come where I have said

No more emails

No more contact (barring business)

I have sent my last one and stuck to it

There just comes a time when I accept the action

The words are empty

I know this

I can see this

It indicates that what we had may have been nothing

It is without question time to move on

Yet, inside my soul feels empty

I feel hollow

I feel missing

I feel some of me is truly gone

It dampens my spirit and

In some ways I feel I may never get it back

That I am not competent enough

To hold those feelings for anyone ever again

Each day I wake up

You still run in my mind

Each night I rest my head

You are in my thoughts

Time for you to go away too

Fully

Time to feel truly empty

How have...

you been treated lately?

A question in reference to you.

The answer, horribly, still no response.

I know it is done. Sad when all that was asked for was simple courtesy

Even if it was a goodbye.

I have been letting go but that gave me misty eyes.

I look at who presents themself to me lately

I just don't get excited, and I wonder if I ever will.

I really did give it all.

Better to have loved and.....

Frustration

All the things I am looking for are here

All is well

The things which cause me stress are not present

This is great

Why am I frustrated?

Because I want to share and experience it with someone

A special person

That is the part which seems to elude me constantly

They say we create our own worlds and destiny

I think I believe this

So why do I keep creating something in which I am frustrated

Lacking in one aspect or another?

That is the part which makes no sense

Why create that which we find disturbing?

It perplexes me and not sure how to remedy it!

Lately

I have been effected by excessive longing

Missing you

Wondering why

Wishing you would get out of my head

So I could just move forward and get something so much better

Cause you sure are not it with the silence and lack of communication you hold