Challenges

So I have reached a new point
One of spooky consciousness
One that has the ability to shake me
But not make me run
The shake will only bring to greater understanding
But who likes being shaken
I can and have identified things that have terrified me before
Things within me that make me afraid
Things that would in time make me collapse what I have
But now I can see them
I can understand them
I can call them out
This is good
But who wants to face things left in ignorance before
Who wants to face up to and change the things that just were
Who wants to be able to identify their short comings
Who wants to remove thier ignorance and be unable to hide if it all comes down
For now if it all comes down I can say this is why
This is where I fell short
This is what I did or didn't do
Within myself for myself
And now I am left with choice
Walk and pretend not to see
Or challenge and see if I can overcome
You win without thought for you are worth the challenge
It does not make it less scary
For I am human and worried that I could fail
But you are worth that risk
When the knight was identified he did not get buried
He simply became wiser on when to draw his sword
This is the time when the sword comes out and its sharp edge is used to cut to the bone

I don't like you

You are prissy and annoying
Without general respect for others
How do you manage this?
By degrading others
With each thing you feel makes you superior
You flaunt it in a face,
For anything that makes you feel less
You verbally degrade to make people feel smaller
I see this, I know this and I laugh at your insecurity
I think it is a shame that this "humor" is eaten up by so many others
And for all my insight into it, your words still hurt

Values

Through various incidents and the increase of popularity
I have come to a conclusion
That people do not value what is done in the work place
But what is done outside of the work place
A persons ability to gain friendship and popularity
Determines their value.
It is difficult to see that people hold that value,
not because valuing human interacion is bad
but because it devalues work ethic
and the quality of work and attention to detail
which makes work a good place
deterioates quickly leaving it an unpleasant place to be.
It gives me greater understanding to the lack of completed work tasks
and the few picking up the slack in an working environment
I wish my value, while at work, was more on popularity than it is on work
For unfortunately I have also seen too much where the attention to social interaction
Is also the foundation for work promotion.

Scrapbooking 101

We all hate to do it.
Stand in that poorly lit little room
Putting paper on the cutter and rolling it through
Making sure that there are enough for the ladies who show up
To a class we think is silly
But there are pros and cons to every job

I don't mind it so much
I do what I am asked
But more so I think of you when I do it
I want to ensure that your day goes easy
By the virtue that I have completed my assigned task
This way we all win, more free time is available

I get to the box
Yet again the supplies are depleted
My break needs to be spent catching up for your negligence
I will not tolerate this

I speak to you about it
You get into a foul mood
And take it out on me
I am the bad guy
For being put out, for losing my spare time
When really your foul mood is a symptom of not liking your job
So you push it back on me
Just do your fucking job
and we can all go home early.

Hotels and Stolen Moments

I am coming
Into town
Can I see you?
Of course you can
I will work to sort it out.
We will get seven
Maybe eight hours
They are our stolen moments

Time spent could be anything
Just to see you is a treat
Your smile, your smell, your touch
But we choose not too

You need to drive
To arrive a day early
So you have to sleep
You get a room to rest
It is early and you pick me up

You hand me the keys
So you can pull, like a kitten, on my clothes as I drive
You hate the word, but I think it is cute
We agree that limited time needs some privacy
You have not checked out
So we spend out time in the room

Laughing, giggling, talking and moaning
We communicate on all forms
We writhe, we twist, we turn
And in time we lay entwined
I lean in close and whisper it to you

Subtle but not
based on instinct and truth
it cannot be hidden anymore
it will be shouted from moutain tops
My love

Distance

Sucks
You are in a mood
And are allowed
Not what I am commenting on at all
I have been there and understand
But without the warmth of a hug or an actual shoulder
Or an ear that does not get cut off by time
Well distance sucks
It frustrates me and I am sure you
I wish I could be there now
But I can't
I wish and I know that these wishes will come true

Overwhelmed

You just left
after 3 days of wonderment
It will be another 6 weeks before I see you
6 weeks and we are already planning it

I do not know any emotion right now
other than overwhelmed
I want you here or I there
I want to continue learning, laughing and holding
I see obstacles which I know can be overcome
They will require sacrafice and change

You offer support for what I want
and willingness for the future
Things will work we are of like mind
There will be a challenge but it will be taken up

I miss you but it is too soon to say that
I like you
I like you a lot
I like you more than a lot
I am overwhelmed

I am Selfish

I have my wine, my movie, my note pad
I sit in my room and do my own thing
Everyone else is off to party
I know what I need and I take care of it

I get up in the morning
Go to the gym
Eat my breakfast and organize my day
Everyone else is just arranging right now
I know what I need and I take care of it

I do my own thing and look after me first
I think I am selfish for that act
It allows me the chance to achieve things
Feel good about myself and have a level of organization
I think I am selfish for it

Everyone else seems to plan as things arrive
They see a group and plan for the group and follow
They are more social but accomplish little for themselves
They seem to have more fun but do not know where they are going

It is two different ways of living
Is one right?

Entwined

I am overwhelmed
The emotions run heavy on me
It is you on my mind
You cannot be here
Nor I there
But we want it to be different

In my mind all the possibilities have come and gone
They all end the same
With us entwined

Am I crazy?
I know I am but I do not care.
The criticisms are immense
That I move to quick, that I trust to quick
That I give too much, that I take too little
But I have always believed
That if one is to love then all caution must be let go
A wise man said "you must give fully. To where you are most vulnerable; if you cannot give your all to the scariest place, then you cannot love, for love is giving all."

I look back at reservation and see my downfall
I look back at hesitation and see my downfall
I look back at moments held back and see my downfall

Now with seemingly impossible obstacles in place I give my all
For I want this to work
I want to awake entwined with you
You share the same feeling
I am overwhelmed with the thought
I fear that it is premature but...
I choose to throw caution to the wind
for I choose love by being vulnerable

Obstacles can be overcome when you know the fear
When I know yours
We are overwhelmed but choose to move with it
Entwined

Boredom

I had a frustrating morning
They happen
I don't work till late
Which is great
I already did my regular things
Now I don't know what to do
Go to the beach
Maybe
Explore
Requires a lot of energy
I will be doing these things on Saturday
So maybe today is just a day to rest

Anger

People walking down the stairs
They all want to go to the same location
To enjoy another vacation day
Why do such little things get them mad?
Why do they seek anger to express?
If you do not enjoy the company you keep
Change your company.
I see it so often,
These families,
For whatever reason,
Together for the wrong reason,
Without the courage to change the situation,
So they feel stuck,
Hatred builds,
Each day becomes an angry expression of...
How much they want to leave.

Coming

4 Days
that is all it is and then..
you are here
are we this crazy?
of course we are
I say it with relish and glee
nerves...
they exist
I do not concern myself with them
everything will explain itself as it goes
time will tell...
for now excitement, butterflies and joy
4 days and you are coming