Lifted W(eigh)aits

I notice in the past few weeks since contact
That my shoulders sit lower
The pain in my low back has subsided
I sleep better and so on.

I am able to look at her in a different light
See forward progression and give a bit more
There is no more skeleton standing in my closet
It is dealt with

This means I can look at the space in this moment
And those moving forward
Without weight on my shoulders
And claim it.

I don't have to look backwards and hope that one day will come.
One day does come but it is on a new road.
There are still hurts
But they are easier to let go
In order to make new joys with someone new
With myself

I wish I did not focus so much on the past
but I do
That moment is complete for me now
The wait is over
The weight is lifted
and now we see what the future moments hold

Redemption?

So time has gone by
almost two years
You finally contacted me
Some civil emails regarding money
An agreement made
and come the new month payments to follow

After all that was put in
time across countries
opening of hearts and minds
all that remains is a few payments

What a fucked up world we live in
That two people willing to share their life together
Cannot find the decency to, at the least,
Express why it stopped working

I tried
No response
Time to move forward
Payments close the past
Truly it makes me sick

Transitions

So after almost two years you have contacted me.
Aside from the comment of feeling harassed it was a clear email
Clear in the way you once communicated with me
Straight forward, without doubt or question
Goals are clearly laid out and I know what to do with it

It of course deals with the money
Our final closure
It is a nice thing
A surprising weight feels as though it has been lifted

However, it leaves me with thoughts and question
It is obvious that you are now this clear (and this is known already)
That you have moved on, there is no need to banter or hide
There is a shift back to the clear headed you leaving me in the dust

But I question, where was this clarity when it all started to fall apart
Why could you not have expressed with clarity your confusion
and what you wanted to do about - even if that was to be left alone?
I question, why did you need to string me along?
Why not face the reality and share the truth?
Did you have to drag it out and hide?
Could we not have solved this so much earlier?

and so the questions go.
Answers never to come.
But at least I have the solace of this clearing up
A point of light at the end of a tunnel that says
"Very soon I will no longer need to question, the weight is gone!"

It is sad solace looking back on the fact that I wanted to marry you
But it is solace none the less.