Alone

I am here in this bubble
This space away from the reality of the world I once new
I know not a soul but I spend time with many
My mind is open but my business keeps me outside of my head

Many things sink in here but I have no time to understand them
I no longer require the same things I used to and many things I want...
Well they seem so inappropriate here or out of place
So I accept that they will come when they need to

For now I am in a place that I need/want
I think of people and I miss people and I want people
So many things I left unfinished
Yet, as selfish as this may seem,
I want none of it
These moments here in this bubble
Are the moments which are setting me outside of my patterns
Breaking down my habits which held me in place and kept me
Reaching rather than attaining

For those who are still with me when I step out of the bubble
They will hold what I hold
But I will not need them to hold me up
I will hold myself up and invite them to come along

This is an interesting journey this one
Where I learn of myself and my quiet space
There is a spot in me for me,
and although there will always be space for my freinds and family
There may not be a sacrifice of myself for them

Each person needs to stand unto themself
Each person needs to be surrounded by those who can that
So that each person can choose when to truly reach out and give
As well as recieve the support we need
For as much as we stand unto ourselves
We are not islands

My heart holds love for myself right now
And I am enjoying finding me.

Changes

Nine days ago everything was different
I was stuck, I was stagnant
I had interesting relationships
I had potential that could not be touched
I was afraid I was excited
Nine days ago everything was different

In nine days I have realized I am who I am
I will never mingle the way I expect from TV
I accept that
I am free to be myself
I catch myself seeking approval and validation
I catch myself walking away from it actively

I am my own individual self
I do not need anyone to tell me who I am
I run into problems and I want to call
I catch myself stopping and looking for the answers myself

At one time long ago people would call me Cassanova
I realize I am not that
I am nervous of approaching women I am nervous of doing something wrong
I accept that

I accept that I am who I am
For nine days I have smiled and laughed
There have been moments that things feel overwhelming
But they are okay
There are moments where I just love life

Tonight I looked up at the stars
They are beautiful
Tonight I felt how small I was as I looked at the ocean
I am okay with that
Tonight I reveled in the moon
Tonight I was called crazy and I am
The reality is I am who I am
And fuck you if you don't accept it
For I do

There is a space between making this statement and fully accepting it
But that space is this journey
To take myself as I am today is a huge step
It does not need anyone to tell me I am acceptable
For I accept myself

Orlando (not Bloom)

Made it safe
Weather is amazing
Hot tub is hot
I start tomorrow.
I feel pshyched
Big adventure and huge changes.
I am alive.

Leaving

In six hours I am at the airport
It was an interesting departure
Felt weird saying goodbye to my ex, not sure how to take that, it felt cold
The universe will tell me later
It was awesome seeing other friends
We had some good good byes and the smiling supportive faces will stay with me

It was sad to leave you but you know I wil come back
You know we will be stronger and better able to be what we need
I am glad you are there for me
Thank you, special girl

Spent time with old friends and new
Old friends trust I will still be a friend when I return
Wished me luck and hung out like I was not leaving
It was great

New friends were not sure where we go from here
We will go, universe provides, see you soon

Myself, I am excited, and scared, mostly excited
I have no plans
I am off to work and ...
everything unfolds as I find myself