It is 4am and I don't know why I am not asleep
I am so busy doing things that I just want to rebel
Stay up and do what I want
Relax, be luxurious, watch a movie, write etc.
In four hours I will be tired as I go to work.
I know this yet still I stay up.
I look at my life and see how it is so not like any norm
I have much of what I want but I have to work
I do crazy hours, work multiple jobs, just to pursue my dream
It burns me out and I want to just feel ... normal?
I want my dreams in my hand
But I don't want the work that goes with them
It is why I sometimes need to rebel
stay up late and say fuck it
because I have to let the work go while I cut loose from it
I will make it up, I will be tired, I will achieve
I don't lead a 9-5 life, I never have
I don't know if I could
In these moments I sometimes want/wish for a "real" job
The stableness of it
The 9-5 of it as I think about settling down
The normalcy so I can know and expect and feel secure
It would be nice but would I be happy?
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