Unfit for duty

There is not much I can do

I am in a foreign country

No where near where you need me

Once again you are left on your own to deal with something

I can send my words

I can call on the phone

But none of these things are valuable in this situation

I made choices

Based on things we both did not want

I wanted my cake and eat it too

It could not happen

My choices were the wrong ones

It seems no matter which way I turn it hurts

In my duty as the one who loves

I failed once again

and I wonder if I serve well

Hospital Waiting Room

It is cold in here

It is nice in colour and not too sterile

But the AC is blasting and I am sure I will catch a cold

I have a needle in my arm for blood they want to take.

I hope all this waiting will clear up the problem at hand

Longer than I thought

When I signed up for this I did not 

Could not qualify the way I would feel

I knew it would have challenges

I knew it would get hard

I knew I could handle it

Handle is a loose term 

Each day is harder

Each day is longer than the last

This last stretch of time before you

Before our life

Feels like an eternity

I never expected that it would be so far

So hard so long

Each day I lose count and figure it out and then go 

What?

Still that many.

On the up side I am getting a tan and I have income

I have bit of time to train

So I look okay which hopefully you will appreciate

The upside does not out weigh the downside

Missing you

Addicted

I am addicted to you

As I walk down the stairs 

I feel I want to check my email

I think I can wait

Only two hours till I get to the free internet zone

But I don't want to wait

I have waited long enough

Almost a year of waiting has gone by and I am tired of it

Sick to death of cold beds, lacking hugs, missing kisses and love

My little magic box

A computer with words typed on a screen

Is the closest I can get to you

And I don't want to wait to "touch and hear" you anymore

So I don't think of cost and I say damn the time

I am tired of waiting 

I am wonderfully addicted to you

Off I go to the little room 

To check for an email from you

The Staff Mess is Closed

People are inconsiderate
They all think that other people will pick up after them
That what they leave behind will disappear
And for that majority of people who do not think
Those who have to think get closed out of things

I come into the room and all the volumes are cranked
People are screaming a shouting and having a good time
It is 9am and way to early for me in this environment

I turn around and put my plate down
In the only quiet area
I go to sit down but an “important” person with a uniform says
“The staff mess is closed, when people use it they leave it dirty and it will not be ready for lunch”

I look at my little quiet place and cry inside
I have not left a mess behind me in this area yet
“The staff mess is closed” is a sign that to me politely reads
“Please be respectful, leave the area as you found it, and clean up any of your own messes”

Tragically most people are inconsiderate and I am ushered off to squeeze into a far corner
That is only less boisterous than the rest of the room
And my quiet thinking breakfast moments are taken from me
For the lack of consideration of the many

Scares

There is not too much that I want in life

I have had lofty dreams 

But those have become grounded

I recognize what they can be

And realize that they can exist rooted firmly

Possibly lofty if lucky

But into those dreams has always been you

And now that you are here I want integration

It is happening but it takes time

Space and distance

Included in that are simple pleasures

Which seem difficult to achieve

I want some new shoes, a shirt, some contacts,

I want to go for a drink, a night out and a weekend away

I want some basic romance things

They seem hard to get right now

and as I draw closer to the close of one thing

and the opening of the door of my wonderful new life

with you (an event so exciting to me)

I get a bit scared

Those things I want can only be achieved with some stability

I don't have it

I don't have a plan

and I am not used to that

So I get a bit scared as to how I will get those things

I know with you it can be done and I will over come

however, but lingers...

I am tired of being in want, I am tired of being here

I want only you and our dreams

I don't want to disappoint you or me

Future

I often hate people

They want, they are rude, they are stupid, all they care about are what they get

But every now and then I get to spend time with one who is different

A person who wants to communicate, who wants to hear

We often forget what it feels like

To be reminded is nice

Thank you

To the gods

I am beautiful

I am resilient

I am bountiful

I am resourceful

I am abundant

I am courageous

I am patient

I am stubborn

I am capable

I am determined

I do not give up

For all of these reasons and more I will achieve my goals

New Years 2009

When I was young New Years did not mean much
I did not get invited to parties
So I stayed in and did my own thing
Blah blah blah (violins or something)
When I was older I had not learned how to party
So I stayed off to the side at parties
Blah blah blah (violins or something)
There have been some good ones but overall
New Years is just another day
This year I am surrounded by hundreds, well thousands of party people
The countdown happened, I help lead it
I was the man everyone looked to
I am utterly alone
I am in the midst of the crowd
Isoloated
My New Years 2009 resolution
To never be away from you again
In my mind we are together
In reality we will be soon