It is simple I am wonderfully overwhelmed by...
It is a good thing and when I write that is what I want to talk about
I don't want to discuss the other things because well they are not nearly as engaging
To let everyone know I am in a foreign country
(Laughable at that, foreign implies Europe and a different language)
No I am in the States, still foreign but close enough to home that I don't feel misplaced
What I am however is unemployable, illegal to work, without means of supporting myself
For those of you who did not know I spent a good year on ships clearing my debt
Working, in a fun job, filled with bulls**t, to first clear my debt and second
To have the means to at least take care of myself while I was here
The second was not part of the original plan but while on the ships it most certainly became the plan
And it became the plan because my life was changed for the positive and taken in a direction which I thought was dead to me and impossible to achieve
So following the revamped plan I spent the second contract (making up the year) on a ship
I get worried it was the wrong choice causing much difficulty due to distance but truly
It was a rock and a hard place for me, spend time away or become a dependent
In the end I now have enough to support myself for a limited amount of time
Time in which we work through some bumps and move forward with smiles
Time in which I sit on a computer and put in serious effort to find work
Which given who I am is not easy
I am an artist and my artistic soul has grown and experienced
It is/I am ready to try again to prosper to glow
I see no reason why I cannot do so here except for a piece of paper allowing me to work
So I continue my search, hoping to find something that will suffice,
Maybe a good audition will convince someone to hire me
But that is paperwork and possible cost to them, easier to hire American
I don't want to jump into the other thing
I don't want it to look like the wrong reason
I don't want to force the adjustment if she is not ready for it
I don't want to overwhelm or pressure
I don't want to have hidden unknown things that ...
I don't want much
I do want it to be romantic, wonderful and memorable
I want it to be loving and loved and free of all the don'ts
So I am looking into volunteering and also more "stable" lines of work
I am looking into writing to express my creative soul
I am getting up on a schedule and doing on the computer so that
I have a job of sorts
I am putting in much time on the Children's Theatre Company for that is also my dream
I want that to grow and succeed and be a huge part of it
That is what I am doing in foreign country
Following my dream of a woman who is my every desire
Following my passion to see a company grow
Following my idea to create in a different way
While looking for something that may actually support me.
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