Progress?

So I have an understanding with my self
It is an understanding that I know what I want
It is an understanding of a time line and how to achieve
My wants are still out there by many standards

The first is my acting
I recognize what it means to equal success here
I recognize what I need to do
I recognize the challenge
I recognize my limitors and not sure how to overcome them
They are not in my direct power
But I am taking steps and going to figure it out
I have four years


The first is you
Sort of
With so much distance emotionally
I don't really know you anymore
Not sure if you are willing to let me in
You seem to be starting in fits and spurts
And honestly that is not what I want
I want your trust and I want the giving you back
I have a little bit of patience left
Given all we went through, thereby not expecting everything immediately

Most of all though is wanting a life with you
Even when acting done or going forever, I want to share it with you
The two things can happen together, me and you

The two wants are now equally precarious
Because although there is progress and you seem to be sharing now
Well there is no idea or suggestion of you tomorrow
Just like acting
I book a big gig today
I may never book one again.

I guess I am realizing that there is progress on both fronts
But neither offers any certainty
I want certainty from you, or at least the knowledge of what you are consciously working towards
When we first met, there was no gaurantee, but at least then I knew you were falling in love and wanted to be loved back
With a hope in your heart that we would have each other forever

Now you could be plotting my death, your walls are that thick
Knock, Knock