Communication

I say something in passing. Okay not so much in passing, it is something that weighs on my mind. It is a personal issue that effects. Not an issue that is ours to deal with but mine to deal with. Not an issue that requires me to step outside of us to solve, truly an issue that requires me being near you to deal with. I do what I can to keep it to myself, somethings need not be shared until the right moment. One night is comes out to another person as I look for security, you overhear it and it hurts. You never say anything about it and it weighs with you.

Months later I come to my conclusions and know where I stand. I am ready, I give, you stop me. Some offers of why I am held at bay get put on the table. Personal things that need dealing with by yourself, nothing about me. I understand and wait, paitiently, outside your closed door. I truly want in and the small crack which it is open is not enough for me.

Months go by again and we get to a spot. The door is still not open, I want in. You not sure if you are willing to let me in. Discussion, talk, blah, blah, blah. Finally you make mention of what you overheard months previous. Everything makes sense, every little action that held me at bay is understood, I see where there is a lack of trust.

This is the way this works. If I brought it up earlier unsure of myself and its results I fear hurting you or being hurt. Thus it makes sense to resolve by the self; if resolved we only grow, if not resolved in a given span of time I know I am in wrong spot. You overhear and don't communicate your pain, it never gets addressed. Months later the grain of sand in the oyster shell in an aching sore. We fall apart.

The universe provides us with what we need, so I guess we needed each other to this point. I guess it points to the fact that you were not ready for something, or that my ability to discuss was in poor judgement, or that I don't know how to truly bring things up in my own head or, or, or... it does not matter it has a result. This is now what we deal with.