Understanding

As time goes by I hope that I have understood everything I heard. I look back on a situation and I recall what I heard and how I felt; this is the basis for my action. What if I am wrong? What if I understood poorly?

I say something that is deep. It triggers response in you. It confuses us both. We can't look back. You say ...

In the end what does it really matter. You are not here with me, and you are nto even sure if that is what you want or if you can be here in a way that works for me. You need to know what you want.

Three days have gone by. Do I know what I want? The more time that passes the less I care simply because it is easier to be apathetic. I think a lot. This is not new. I know what I like doing and all the reasons I liked doing it with you. If you don't know then it is not enjoyable... it feels like a waste of energy to try and fight when you do not fight for it too. I choose to expend energy where it is wanted.

Our ideas of distance may be different. I cannot judge you nor you I for our differences. What will happen now? Funny how one month ago it seemed so clear. One conversation... no it is never that simple. As we look back we can see how one thing created a domino effect. Sad really.

They say the universe gives us what we need and i beleive that. I think it sucks that I feel as though I give everything my all and the result is the universe saying not this time. More to learn in the next thing I give you. When are the lessons learned enough to feel happy?