Alone

I didn't realize taking this job was touching on so many things
Yes I wanted to get away and do some things for myself
Yes I wanted to challenge me but I had no idea it would hit this deep

I fear being alone
It is why broken relationships are hard
Now I realize that making these choices are challenging that fear

I fear being incapacitated by health
My health record came back a bit shoddy
Need to get second report
Dealing with that insecurity

I fear situations without gaurantee
Is there ever one?
No, but some things have a feeling of security
My friend of sixteen years, we will grow, we will be different
but on my return I am sure we will move forward
There is one friend I have no gaurantee with
I am facing that uncertainty

Finally, in all of this I never thought that I would choose to actually go alone
Not physically but emotionally
I could never have phathomed that I would make a choice to be alone
As that is my greatest fear
And here I go into unchartered territory with no back up.

I made these choices from a simple premise
I wanted things in my life to change
Living the way I was living could no longer continue
The last relationship was a perfect indication of that
Something good ruined by my stagnation
So I made my choice, it was simple
Get away for a while, change it so much that I couldn't help but be different
It was also an escape
But now I see the universal guide letting me in on so much more
That this ruse for escape was salvation

Yes I am scared
But I have everything I wanted
So that I am different no longer stagnant
It is exciting.

Time to pass a medical exam.