In two days I head home.

In some ways to face the things I have not/cannot achieve

I was looking at a friends website today

It has grown dramatically

I remember when he was just starting out

A small room for a reading series

I don't know that the series is that much bigger today

In terms of audience or attendence

But his site is massive, with contributors and ads

And all the things that make it look successful

I could have been a part of that

I smile because I know had I stayed there it would not have been the right path for me

And I would be unhappy

So I don't regret not being a part of it today

What I get out of it is that a friend had a vision and it has come to fruition

I think it is great

I am troubled because my vision is not in fruition

One that I have had for a long time and I can only think I did something wrong

I don't know what it was though

I don't know how to fix it

It occurs to me that fixing it is not necessary for that is the past

What is important is remodeling, reinventing for that is the current

I have been doing that to some degree

Yet it feels like every time I make a step forward my past choices create blocks

Unions!

Well here I sit, unknowing of the future

Feeling lost and down

Basically feeling like I have not done anything in the life achievement category

I am still me, struggling to get somewhere, thinking that I won't be able too

I here all the adages, Yoda stands out the loudest

Do or do not....there is no try

If at first you don't succeed try try again

For every major success there are thousands of failures before that

And so I go on, this time not knowing exactly how to do it

Wondering if my vision is strong enough to get me through

Okay time to breathe, I have bounced every other time in my life

This will be no exception, I always find a way to happiness