Living in a day to day basis is hard for someone like me
Planning, hell I had my whole life planned by the time I was fifteen
I achieved so much
Gained so little
But have much more than I ever expected
It is a weird little dichotomy that I don't understand
I stand on the cusp of doing exactly what I want
What I have dreamed of
At the same time letting go of so many other things
The dream fulfills my soul
The letting go challenges my self
I don't understand where life takes me
At one time I truly did
But now I have no clue
I have followed my gut
Listened to the things that said break the rut
Moved away from all that was destroying me
Found a new life completely
One that was always in my desires
But did not learn how to merge
Maybe the merging comes later
Maybe it comes when I just accept and breathe
It is so hard to be humble and accept
When I want to be brave and support
I don't like being down
When I want to carry
Yet here I am.
Just me, facing things I did not think I would face
Maybe pride, maybe lack of action, maybe just lofty dreams
All have let me be
Yet all the above mentioned lacks have brought me to happiness in other aspects
There is an adage of having cake and eating it too
This is my life in the moment
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