Ouch

I am here in Canada
Working my self crazy to make some money
So I can return to you
I love you there is not a doubt in my mind of my feelings for you
I do everything in my power to demonstrate and work at that
We hit a snag
A big one
One that came up a long time ago
I remember sitting in a mall and saying
"I want to deal with this now because if we don't it will haunt us"
You agreed and said you were good when we reached our conclusion

I get so hurt
Because I trust
I listen to people and I accept what they say
With you I watched your actions too
For the most part your actions were good
But I saw them slipping.
I didn't acutally understand so I could not speak about it
I found out that the words mean nothing
It has come up and is the source of all this chaoas
Your subtle actions were indicative that we had not dealt with it

I trusted, still do, that we have what it takes
I trust you
I love you

I knew you were hurt and since that day have been working to clear it
Yet you didn't trust
The work feels in vain
Last night I found out for sure that the work had failed
That we have a long way to go
That the circumstances are different
That we face so much
Becuase of broken trust

You too had your secret
Thought you were helping by not sharing
Thought you could save the collapse
but realized you were the forefront of the already falling stuff
Now you see how it hurts us

Could you not see that the same logic
That used to help protect each other
Is the reason we both had a secret
That in knowing you did what I did realize that I was working for us
and from that trust me?
I trust you for that reason, I trust you because I love, I trust you because I want you and I am willing to believe we are more.
I trust you because you are human and it was a mistake, I will not hold a mistake against you
I trust because I truly love

So I sit typing
Alone
Cold
Hurt
Broken
Staring triggers from the past in the face
Knocking on closed doors to your soul
Hoping they will open

Because when I choose my words I stand by them in action
I love you said I
I meant for life
I meant that no matter what the difficulty I want you
so I stand and fight
hoping, praying
My past teaches me that this is all in vain, that no one uses words like me
Words are cheap to most

I hope and I fight because I want you and I want your words not to be in vain
I saw our past, when we were good
You saw our future when we were great
We live our present, and experience the struggle

I hope it is a short struggle that represents our visions