Finding

Lately I have been feeling a bit out of sorts
Not depressed, but not happy
Teetering on the edge of one or the other
Nothing is really wrong in my life, but nothing is really right either
I have a goal
I am working on it
I know the energy will take me there
In the interim I have a job that is covering the bills and giving me a bit extra
Not doing to well for the social life but I am managing
So why the blahness?

I realized today that it is because of a sense/question of failure.
I want to take a break because of where I am with my career choice
I want to reinstill the right reasons and strongest choices to take me further
Not necessarily further being successful (though that will not be turned down)
But in terms of personal fulfillment, knowing that what I am doing is for the right reasons
For me
To look at my work and have it done because I crave doing it, love doing it can't live without it.
These decisions are good for me, they will bring out something that I have never shown, so much will change, has changed already
In this it is positive and joyful
But I teeter
Having to step away,
Does it mean I failed?
Was I not good enough and thus got lost?
Will I get what is missing?
Am I a hack facing his reality?

I don't think so. But when I look left I see these things
They are sad thoughts, despairing thoughts,
When I look right, I see the other things (aforementioned)
They are happy thoughts, joyful thoughts

So here I stand on this swaying high wire walking to a stable platform of opportunity
The distance seems attainable.