Something Big

It seems to me that I have one true ability

That is the ability to pull something off and be able to somehow make at least enough to get what I need in the moment

It is not always easy, 

It is always stressful when I am at that point of pulling things together

It can be painful

It can be degrading and draining to think here I am at the bottom again

It can be hard as I claw to the top of a hole I fell into

It can be many things

I am fortunate that situations I end up in are not bad.

Like I did not lose my job

Or I did not gamble myself into debt 

Or anything like that

It seems though that my best laid plans seem to have flaws and only work out to some degree

The some degree they work out to is good 

But typically the result of good means that I am broke

So I have been broke many times in my life with many good things for those moments

Broke, some joke and say I am so organized that broke to me is everyone else's survival point

Well I would agree up until the last couple of years

I have been giving it my all and that means broke, nothing, nadda, niet, nein

So the joke is over

As it stands I have pulled together a bunch of stuff to pull me up temporarily from this monetary lag

Once again I am poised to push over the top until I can secure something more stable

Lucky me, crafty me, PR me, resourceful me

But this time I am putting it out there

I can feel it in my bones

I can hear the gods crying it out

I want to scream it from the mountain tops

This time these clawing hands will find gold

Something big is happening to me

Something huge is come 

Something beyond my scope of rational and reason is here

and this time I will be more than alright

This time I will breathe not for just making it

But I shall breathe a deep breath of freedom

I will look back without worry and know I can proceed and be secure

That I will be able to feel successful

It is time, It is here, It is now

I no longer take anything but this feeling

For I am tired

But I have not lost my faith

I believe it is now

This time Goliath will not rise again