Emotions

Lately it feels like I am the source of all woe

I used to be a breath of fresh air

I know that this is not about me 

But about us

We are in a situation that neither of us wants

I feel it acutely because of my past

This situation only heightens those things which made me unworthy before

You are not my past

But this feels like words and not actions

I am not sure of what to do

I give all that I am but it feels like too little

All that I am too little...?

I know that you hurt

I know that I cannot solve that

I should be able to

I should not take it into myself

But I believe that is part of my role

At times you will be asked to take it into yourself

But not now

What should I do?

I don't want to lose us

But are words enough?

For me they are.

I have a fear

That I become boring

That I don't know what to do after a certain point of learning

That in this struggle I have reached that point in your mind

I know that this is not true

I know that this is this moment and you hurt

That which takes away the hurt is being present

In my heart I want to solve all of this

To fulfill the dreams which you and I share

To be happy with one another

To do things together with smiles on our faces

To make love and hold one another

That feels so far away and in the meantime 

I cannot solve